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Bryan & Vinny review TNA iMPACT! February 2014

This month: Janice makes a return in Abyss's Monster's Ball match with Eric Young. He is unmasked as Joseph Park. Dixie promises to help Roode cheat. MVP is a shitty business man. Sabin cuts a promo in a strip club. Dixie is incompetent. iMPACT! is dumber in hindsight. Sam Shaw looks like a creep and a psycho but isn't charming. No one likes Magnus. EC3 takes out Angle's knee. Eric Young has a hell of a plan. You've never seen someone act like Velvet Sky. Dixie Carter is the real main event. Bryan doesn't care who is in charge of what. Bryan and Vinny conclude Vince Russo is back. Magnus will defend his title against Joe at Lockdown. Gunner and Storm win EC3's briefcase. MVP is applaud by the Sabin and Velvet intergender match. The Dixie-MVP story makes no sense. Abyss is very good. Sam Shaw sniffs his fingers. Jeff Hardy is bringing back Willow the Wisp. Velvet kicks Sabin in the knee. Bully Ray and Mr. Anderson have a coffin match. MVP didn't come to TNA to make money. Magnus and Dixie have a backstage segment and then come out for a promo. Gunner is a legit badass. Security geeks make the Wolves look like pussies. MVP will be in debt if his team wins their Lockdown match. Samoa Joe beats up the Tag Team Champions and Zema Ion. Everything they have done with Christy Hemme and Sam Shaw has been awful. Roode apologizes to Storm. Madison Rayne kicks a chair into Gail's face. Gunner is the best thing on iMPACT! now. Bryan cares that Russo is back. Dixie won't let Bobby Roode quit. TNA are the Cleveland Browns of pro wrestling. Sam Shaw knocks out Christy and Mr. Anderson cold. He finally spots the camera man after 6 weeks. Storm fucks Gunner out of his title shot. Typical Russo. No Dixie Carter on iMPACT! Magnus rules means the other guy whips your ass then gets screwed. How could Andre the Giant not grow better facial hair? The BroMans qualify for the Lockdown match. EC3 beats up Doug Williams. Gunner listens to Storm patiently. Bad Bones from Germany. Kurt Angle's hall of fame induction. EC3 gets his information from the internet. The Knockouts have a horrifying tag match. Can TNA have a cage match where Angle doesn't do a moonsault off the top? Sam Shaw wants everything from Christy not just one thing. Mr. Anderson has been great lately. What the fuck is a wisp? Taz can't stop talking about Aries' shorts. Aries turns on MVP.