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Finding Fulfillment In Relationships

One of the biggest problems people have in relationships is the expectation that others can make them happy. In an intimate relationship, this expectation is magnified, causing greater problems than the happiness the relationship is expected to bring. In this video, Thom puts relationships back in their correct perspective, reminding us that what we bring to the relationship matters, not what the other person brings. Subscribe to find greater ease and bliss: https://www.youtube.com/thomknoles?su... Visit https://thomknoles.com/​ to learn more.   / thethomknoles​     / thethomknoles   You have to stop relying on relationships for your fulfillment. You're not in a relationship for your fulfillment. You need to become fulfilled self sufficiently. "I am fulfilled from inside, and my relationship is a means whereby I share my fulfillment." An unhealthy relationship means, "I'm expecting things that are greater than this relationship can generate, and so I'm needy. I'm still entering the relationship on the basis of neediness." Whenever we enter a relationship on the basis of neediness, the relationship is going to fail, because there's nobody who is designed to just give you everything you want, everything you need. And so then, what do we have to do? We have to become self sufficiently fulfilled, and stop relying on relationships to bring us fulfillment. A relationship can serve all kinds of purposes. Shared experience, teamwork, all kinds of wonderful things can come from it. But a relationship is not going to bring you fulfillment. If you don't have fulfillment already from inside, and you're expecting a relationship to bring it to you, then you're going to feel like you're in an unhealthy relationship. And it is unhealthy, and you're contributing your part to the lack of health of it by expecting it to deliver something it's not designed to deliver. So, let's relate, but let's gain fulfillment from inside ourselves self sufficiently, and then make offerings into the relationship, rather than waiting for the relationship to feed us with fulfillment. A relationship cannot feed you with fulfillment. It can be an outlet for your fulfillment. A relationship is like a showcase. It can be a showcase of whatever it is the two of you already are. If there are two people living abject suffering and misery in a relationship, and they're in a relationship, then that relationship will be a showcase for abject suffering and misery. If there are two people who are living self-sufficient bliss and they're in a relationship, then that relationship will be a showcase for the self-sufficient bliss. And that's what we want. So, you've still got some distance to move in this relationships area. Probably since you were very young, you were hoping that one day somebody would come along who would be just perfect, who would bring you fulfillment, and let me shatter that dream. That's never going to happen because you're asking for a relationship to produce something it's not designed to produce. A relationship is something to which you contribute. A relationship is not something that you walk into expecting to receive. You make offerings in a relationship. You don't sit there waiting for somebody to do something for you. So snap out of your dream. And awaken to the reality that you can live life in fulfillment in any relationship provided that the relationship itself is based on mutual self sufficiency. We bring mutual self sufficiency to the relationship and then the relationship has functionality.