Скачать с ютуб The Living, Lasting Shine: ITV (Granada) adverts, 30th August 1981 в хорошем качестве

The Living, Lasting Shine: ITV (Granada) adverts, 30th August 1981

I'd like you all to know that this is my second pass at this description because YouTube, for no reason at all, deleted the whole thing once I'd finished writing it. Just gone. Just reverted to default. Not even saved, even though it's meant to do it automatically. I fully intend to destroy absolutely everything in the entire world. So anyway the second break from The Assassination Bureau in 1981 has a certain amount of repetition repetition from the first, but that's okay. Keeps my character count down. For instance, it starts off with that B&Q ad again in full. Bank Holiday Monday's tomorrow, you bastards, get over here and buy some MDF quick quick. Alternatively, come down to Trotters Independent Traders, where they've come into possession of a bunch of cancelled exports! I mean ELS. Loads of furniture that's fallen out of the trading loop for reasons best left unasked about, all at knock-down prices! Yes yes! Next, a lady washes her hair. Rather than the floral, pastoral imagery you'd get from your average Timotei or Badedas, this is going for a somewhat harder-edged, even sporty style of hair-flick, with Vangelis-imitative music and steely blue backdrop. Maybe that's because it's a shampoo from Milton, last seen in the previous break hawking their signature product, sterilising fluid. Apparently they were trying to make inroads into the toiletries sector at this time, or the shampoo one at least. Seems not to have worked out. Maybe the association with baby germ-killing liquid was too strong, or maybe we just weren't ready for this relatively unfeminine style of advertising. But the synthesised pan-flute! Then, a surprisingly cheap advert for Mars bars. Using the usual "work, rest, play" it's-good-for-you-in-an-energy-bar-sort-of-way shtick, with lots of closeups of ingredients and the like, but with an outright paucity - a paucity I tell you - of visual or verbal inspiration. Basically just a vague pun on weighing things up and some tentative motion of the hand. You'd think they could do better. Next, some lager! Only not! Because it's Barbican and therefore non-alcoholic, and that means it doesn't count as lager even though it's "brewed like a true lager". All according to our spokesman, Mr Lawrie McMenemy, incomprehensible but well-respected (more then than now) footballer and coach. According to Guinness he's one of the most successful managers in post-war English football, which is news to me. Apart from a lengthy punditry career with just about everyone, he might be best remembered for his time as Graham Taylor's assistant when the promise of Italia '90 went up in smoke. Or his two years in charge of Northern Ireland, where to be fair he was on a hiding to nothing and that's exactly where he went. Let the record show he won the cup with Second Division Southampton, and then made them (albeit briefly) into title contenders. So he doesn't owe anyone anything. Then, a lovely pastoral English scene is rudely interrupted by some bright red tendrils, some apocalyptically loud and strident music, and the voice of Tony Jay. The tendrils turn out to be the makings of a front door to a house which builds itself around the furniture and floorplan of its owners, which is convenient. The presence of a great shaggy English sheepdog should clue you in that it's an advert for Dulux, but in case it doesn't there's a massive ICI logo as well, which soon gives way to a delightful quasi-diagram with molecules played by bright red ball-pool balls. All in all, this is some extremely epic paint we're dealing with here. Even the tins are shot dramatically from below, wrapping themselves around a perfect cylinder of paint. Someone's having fun with early CGI. No slogan or closing packshot, just a dog, as the music blasts away with its increasingly deranged horn section. Tony Jay remains at a low purr, but then of course he does. Next is that St. Bruno advert again where the Great White Father disrespects the peace pipe and fortunately wakes up before getting scalped. Finally, one of those adverts desperately trying to capture the New Wave zeitgeist. Mannered compositions, jumpy editing, lots of eyeliner, careful modernist colour direction, music apparently based on what the average advertising executive thought Gary Numan sounded like, vaguely German-accented girl singer. It's just kitchen roll, for heaven's sake. Mind you, maybe that's why they were trying so hard to make it interesting. Oh, and there's a closeup of a cup of coffee shitting itself.