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Marriage And Drug Addiction Counseling | Paul Friedman

Does your marriage has been affected by drug addiction? Watch Paul explains what you can do about this problem in your marriage. I would like to help you if at all possible so what I want to do first is I want to read an email that we received at The Marriage Foundation. Her name is Barbara and she writes. "I only knew my husband for six weeks before we got married. It's been two and a half years now and I almost feel like a stranger to him. He is not a loving nor an affectionate person not even when we are intimate. I've had a drug problem in my past and it's resurfaced two years ago till now. I'm going to classes and a counselor to get over my problem. Every day my husband points out my problem, talks about it, and criticizes me. I feel like he needs to be more supportive loving and affectionate and I'd be happier and stronger, and be able to stay recovered. I feel starved for love and attention." This is very deep and everything in The Marriage Foundation for helping marriages is based on principles. I began The Marriage Foundation after I developed a system based on principles to help marriages because before I was helping marriages I was a divorce mediator and I saw many marriages that should not have folded. so there is a few principles in here that are important for you. I'm not going to lecture you. Obviously, what is the best approach is to get married to someone who you thoroughly know not just fall in love and get married or because of circumstances which happens often get married. There's a couple of problems in Barbara's marriage but these are problems that she is having and she needs to deal with it. First of all, understanding why people get into drugs and alcohol and I know there's a lot of papers written on it and a lot of reports done and studies done. And perhaps my view of this is philosophical and it's just my point of view, meaning an opinion but I'm going to share it with you and you decide whether it makes sense for you. My belief is that the people who do, and she mentioned this, that people who do feel loved have no need, no desire for drugs or alcohol. They don't even want to take those in because it'll disrupt the feelings of love because they're completely counter. It's ironic, isn't it? We feel starved for love could call it for attention, friendship, being respected, being accepted and so we turn to drugs and alcohol. Why? So we could numb ourselves and not feel the pain of these things so strongly. I firmly believe that that's true. I don't know that there can be studies done to support this contention but I have no question about it in my mind. What do you think? Then you see there's a quandary here because Barbara is saying, "I feel starved for love and attention. He's not giving it to me." And so what she's doing is she's making him responsible for her not staying sober which is not a good place to be. Because then you're depending on the outer conditions and here's what's important whether we get into the drugs and alcohol or not. The outer conditions of our life should not determine love. You may have gotten married too young. You may have gotten married to someone who you didn't know well. That doesn't stop you from changing yourself into someone who is happy regardless of the outer circumstances that are the result of this error in judgment. And why. what can you do? Here we go to one of the principles about love that is not commonly understood. Love is not something that you can produce. It's not something that you can really own. There's an old saying, it's bigger than the both of us. Love is something that is more real than any material thing there is but it's spiritual in nature. Love exists for those who understand on a deep level. It could be said that God is love love is god because that feeling is an overwhelming feeling when you do feel it. And the question is, where do you get it? The answer is, and I'm going to share something with you that is in my courses for women and my course for men that is very important to understand. Because most people think, "I'm not loved. They don't love me. What am I doing here?" They miss this very important principle. You cannot feel love from someone else anyway. Now the indicators will be there when somebody loves you but your mind because it's also connected to your physical body so biologically, your mind is in a survival mode all of the time. That's our natural existence because we're listening to our mind. We were souls. We're listening to our mind which is listening to our body instead of to love. Watch the video for more. #marriagecounseling #marriageproblems #maritalproblems #wifeandhusbandproblems #addictions #marriageissues