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ZACH SELWYN AND ELI BRADEN "My Kid"

My kid is the playground king / Your kid is a ding-a-ling / My kid, skin smooth like silk / Your kid, choke on milk // My kid push himself in his stroller / Your kid, diagnosed bipolar / My kid eat Cookie Crisp / Your kid talk with a lisp // My kid walk at six months old / Your kid wear clothes Goodwill sold / My kid use his dick like a tripod / Your kid got showtunes on his iPod // My kid, straight A's / Your kid, shit for brains / My kid's sippy cup is full of White Russian / Your kid use a priest's lap as a cushion // It's time that we let the world know / Dude, your kid goofy like Elmo / My kid is the best at the daycare / Rockstar 'do while your kid rock the gay hair // My kid pop a boner, it rip his diaper / Your kid's babysitter ... my kid piped her / My kid could star in porn / Your kid cried like a bitch when he was born // My kid, Tiger Woods is his caddy / Your kid wish I was his daddy / My kid had a three-way with the Olsen twins / Your kid, karma for your sins // My kid, king of the Jews / Makes out with Suri Cruise / My kid stepped on his own dick / Your kid hung like a candlewick // My kid looks like Joel West / Your kid's six, still on the breast / My kid got blown by Hannah Montana / Your kid got brought coal from Santa // It's time that we let the world know / Dude, your kid goofy like Elmo / My kid is the best at the daycare / Rockstar 'do while your kid rock the gay hair // My kid, potty trained at month four / Your kid, still takin' dumps on the floor / My kid, Wolfgang Van Halen / Your kid, Bristol Palin // My kid already got groupies / Your kid cries at G movies / My kid eat meat that's lean / Your kid vegan, need protein // My kid got a nine milli in his holster / Your kid got a Clay Aiken poster / My kid, shit don't stink / Your kid, the missing link // It's time that we let the world know / Dude, your kid goofy like Elmo / My kid is the best at the daycare / Rockstar 'do while your kid rock the gay hair