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The Squip Song

It's From Japan! All rights reserved. LYRICS: Rich: Oh, I thought I told you not to wash that off. Jeremy: Oh, where’s my homework? Rich: Yep, talking to you, Tallass Jeremy: Why do you keep calling me that? I’m not even tall. Rich: Well, you could be. If you weren’t hunched over and scared all the time. The only thing more pathetic is the way you’re sneaking off into a stall to get away from me. Stalls are for girls. [Gasp] Are you a girl, Jeremy? Jeremy: How can you talk to people while you’re- ugh. Rich: Confidence. Jeremy: I don’t get why you guys are doing the play. Rich: Brooke is doing it because of Chloe. Chloe is doing it because of Jake. I think you know why Jake is doing it. Jeremy: Why are you? Rich: I have my instructions. [SQUIP electrocutes Rich. Blubbering noises] Jeremy: Oh, I just remembered, I don’t have to pee after all, bye! Rich: No, don’t move! You don’t remember me freshman year, do you? Jeremy: You didn’t go here freshman year! Rich. Oh, yes I did! You just didn’t notith. Nobody did. (RICH, singing): Freshman year I didn't have a girlfriend or a clue I was a loser just like you Good times would only soar by I was gross As every female could attest My sexting was a futile quest My little penis was depressed He was so lonely The poor guy! I was Hopeless, hopeless I was Helpless, helpless Every time I'd walk the hallway I would trip I was Stagnant and idle I was So suicidal And then Then, then Then, then Then, then Then, then Then, then Then, then I got a Squip [JEREMY, spoken] You got quick?! [RICH, spoken] Not quick Squip [JEREMY, spoken] I've just never heard of it before [RICH, spoken] Yeah, that's the point! This is some top-secret, can't-even-look-it-up-on-the-internet shit (sung) It's from Japan It's a gray, oblong pill Quantum nano-technology CPU The quantum computer in the pill will travel through your blood until It implants in your brain and it tells you what to do [JEREMY, spoken] So it's like... Drugs? [RICH, spoken] It's better than drugs, Jeremy [RICH & (ENSEMBLE)] It's from Japan! It's a gray, oblong pill, Quantum nano-technology CPU. The quantum computer in the pill will travel through your blood until It implants in your brain and it tells you what to do It tells you what to do It's preprogrammed It's amazing Speaks to you directly You behave as It's appraising Helps you act correctly [RICH & ENSEMBLE] Helps you to be cool! It helps you rule! [RICH] 'Cause right now you're Helpless, helpless You are Almost hopeless On the school's social map, you're just a blip But if you Take my advice and if you pay the listed price Well, then you go from sad to interesting To hip - Yeah, your whole life will flip! [RICH & ENSEMBLE] When you buy a Squip! [RICH & (ENSEMBLE)] Hey, yeah, a Squip-ip-ip! Hey, a Squip! Hey, yeah! No longer a drip when you got in your grip A Squip A Squip A Squip!