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The Numbness I've Known

Lyrics: I used to bleed on canvas, colors raw and true A reflection of the fire that burned inside my soul But life got in the way, and I had to make a move Traded in my passion for a life that's whole I'm reaching for a ghost, a feeling I once knew I'm desperate to be alive, to feel the pulse again Trying to revive the flame, but it's flickering through But it's hard to find my way, when the heart's in pain Now I'm numb, just a hollow shell Art's become a chore, the spark's gone cold I'm searching for a way to break this spell To feel again, to let my heart unfold That's when I met him, a stranger with a deal Offering emotions on loan, a temporary feel I took the risk, and for a moment, I was free But with each borrowed high, a memory came with me I'm chasing the highs, but the lows are real I'm trying to find my balance, but it's hard to stand I'm losing myself, in the way I feel When the emotions I borrow, take control of my hand Now I'm lost, in the lives of others' pain Their traumas, their fears, their loves, their shame I'm chasing the rush, but it's a double-edged game To feel again, but at what cost, what's the aim? I see the world through different eyes A patchwork quilt of strangers' lives Their joys, their sorrows, their darkest nights I'm a vessel, a conduit, but at what price? I'm trying to find my way, through the noise and the pain I'm reaching for a hand, to help me through the night I'm searching for a light, to guide me through the shame To find my own heart, and shine with all my light Now I'm torn, between the numb and the pain To feel again, but to lose myself in the game I'm searching for a way to break this chain To find my own heart, to love again, to be sane I'm still searching, still trying to find A way to balance the heart and the mind without losing myself To feel again, what I don't feel anymore In the empathy trade, where emotions are wealth.