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Being unemployed in Germany is making me sick.

My German course is ending in 2 weeks. Somehow I feel like the time when I was unemployed. Exactly a year ago. I remember what followed, I felt super hopeful, all of a sudden I had all that time on my hands, I started making videos, working super hard, editing for me, for other people. Then became so isolated from the world I hit the rock bottom... I so don't want to be in this place again. I am feeling so anxious it's making me sick. I got sick on Sunday, for no apparent reason. I thought I had a stomach bug, then I thought I ate something but I spent the whole day with German boyfriend and he's fine. I got a sick note and took some time to recover. I also got sick 2 weeks ago after my birthday party. Only for two days. And also mildly and for no reason. I know that I am a highly anxious person. I also know that worrying is a misuse of imagination but I even knowing it it doesn't help me. I wish I had a direction, a purpose, something to work towards. I wish I had a reason to wake up every morning, I wish I had a support system in place to help me. But I don't. So I just gotta figure it out. Life abroad and life in Germany is definitely not easy. I just hope this will feel like home one day and if I ever feel like this in the future I'll have the tools to deal with it. I'm gonna try and talk to my mom about it. It'll be a very humbling moment as she was so proud of me and I feel like since I came back to Europe I've been nothing else than failing and disappointing her. I came from China and moved to Poland. I got a job, after 3 months I left it. Then moved to Germany to a new job after 6 months I left it ( I was fired but it was my choice so don't know how to call it, I made a whole video about it called Big Life Update) and I've been super unstable since I came back from China. So I definitely feel like it's going to be hard for me to talk to her but I need to get all of this out and be listened by someone who literally just wishes the best for me. I'm going to Poland tomorrow. Wish me luck!