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why I left the colleen ballinger fandom...

This video explains why I left the Colleen Ballinger fandom. In it I will explain many things I did in my past that are horrible...for example I was involved in group chats with minors, I wrote a fanfiction about Colleen that was graphic, plus I share DMs I had with Kory Desoto and Colleen Ballinger during the Adam McIntyre situation that happened in 2020. There are not enough words to describe how terribly sorry I am for these things I did. I know that Adam has publicly stated he does not forgive me for what I did and that is fine. I do not deserve forgiveness especially since I should have shared my messages with Colleen and Kory years ago with him. I deeply regret not doing that. There is nothing I can do to undo that now, unfortunately. I am glad that I was able to help validate Adam's allegations against Colleen and that more people have come forward about their bad experiences with her. I privated this video for a while due to the backlash I was getting from how poorly I acted in it. I even made a livestream reacting poorly to the backlash...so sorry to anyone who witnessed that mess. I deeply regret not logging off when you all begged me to. I only wish I had listened sooner & that I never did it in the first place. That is why I decided to deplatform myself while I try and get better. To start, I never should have talked about the money I would make from this video. The main priority should have been the truth. Especially with what happened to Adam. Because this never should have been about me...like Adam said...nobody gives a f about me. This is about everyone else who are victims of Colleen. I was never a victim. I acted like I was, but no I was a villain. For that I am deeply sorry. I never should have made this about myself. Later on, I quickly talk about the fanfiction that I wrote about Colleen Ballinger and Erik Stocklin. To be honest, I never should have quickly talked about this because this was a horrendous thing I did and you all deserved a better apology. I want to make it known that I deeply regret doing that. I never should have wrote a story about a real life person or been in group chats with minors. I was an adult when I did that and should have known better. I want to clarify there were no minor characters in this story. All characters were adults & I did use names of fandom members (adults & minors) in the story who were in the Colleen Ballinger group chat I was in. I never should have used their names or wrote that story in general. I apologize to any person's name I used and to Colleen & Erik for doing that. Lastly, I want to deeply apologize to Adam for not giving these DMs to you in 2020 when all of this was happening to you. I was scared, but I should have been stronger for you. I never should have let my parasocial relationship with Colleen get in the way with what was happening to you. I was starstruck, like many others have pointed out, and I let it get to my head. Kory and Colleen were sending me things on you and were trying to paint you out as the bad guy when they were the bad guys all along. I only wish I realized it sooner. I hate that I participated in what happened to you by not helping clear your name sooner. I am a coward. Even though I know you despise me for my actions, I am glad that I have at least helped give you the validation you deserve. I will forever be sorry for what I did to you. Thank you to everyone who has held me accountable for my horrific behavior in the past and continues to also do it in the present. I am listening to your criticisms and will try to work on myself in the future offline. I have decided to make this video public again because it never should have been taken down to begin with. To all of those who felt brave enough to share their own stories...I am proud of you. Take care. ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ CHAPTERS: 00:00 trigger warning/copyright 00:22 colleen fandom intro 01:03 fandom history lesson 03:07 group chats 04:15 fanfiction 05:20 stalker ex 06:50 mania 07:19 putting gc members in fanfic 08:00 erikleen 08:12 colleen mentions me at event 08:30 parasocial relationship with idol 08:40 making friends 08:50 cleveland miranda sings show 09:45 tanacon rant 10:45 colleen follows me on twitter 10:55 other celeb follows 11:11 james charles rant 11:27 hate comments 11:57 yoursassysunflower 12:14 other colleen videos 12:40 adam mcintyre video 13:48 spill sesh dms 14:34 making first video on adam 14:48 dms with colleen 15:19 colleen in group chats 15:42 screenshots from adam video 17:00 colleen's version of satire 18:12 colleen's trying to win me over 18:28 more colleen dms 20:47 adam comments explanation 22:24 more dms from colleen 24:05 the first video backlash 24:20 kory dms intro 24:26 kory blocking me story 24:27 kory dms about adam 26:30 kory in group chats 26:57 more kory dms 27:55 my video calling out colleen 28:07 colleen apologizes to me 28:38 addressing everything video 28:50 final thoughts 29:14 outro